Welcome to adulthood, recent college graduates!
In the spirit of celebrating all of the collegiate graduations that are taking place over the next few weeks, I thought that it would be appropriate for me to share the story of my first interview for a post-college-real-life- adult-job.
Shortly before graduation I was offered an interview at a college across town from the school I was about to graduate from. Although I knew that I was qualified for the job and I had every intention of charming the pants of the selection committee , it was my first big girl interview and I was a little nervous.
I had done interviews for high school and college jobs but I knew that this would be more serious. I figured though, that if I had survived an interview at the Ben and Jerry’s tourguide interview, I could handle anything the admissions committee at a small liberal arts college would dare to through my way.
The very first questions at my Ben and Jerry’s interview was:
“ Imagine that you are a pea and you are stuck on the end of a fork and you are about to be chopped into little bits. What do you do?”
I don’t remember how I answered this one, but I was offered the job. I have yet to find me another job that would send me home with three pints of ice cream every day I showed up to work. That was a pretty sweet gig. Pun very much intended.
I was prepared, but still antsy.
Knowing that I tend to get clumsy when I feel uneasy, my mind was filled with horror visions, all of which included me falling on my face during the interview. What if they offered me a glass of water and I spilled it down my white shirt, creating the appearance of breast lactation or chronic boob sweat? What if I accidently farted while meeting with the Vice President? I was in panic mode for the entire interview week.
Thankfully, I was able to calm myself down by the time I got to campus. I met with admissions counselors, the dean of students, graduate assistants, undergraduate tour guides, everyone. I was amazed how relaxed I felt in these meetings and I was able to be myself ( a professional, classy, well put together version of myself, that is).
By the time I reached my last interview of the day, I was confident that I would be hired. Everything had gone so incredibly well, and there was nothing that I could possibly say at this point to embarrass myself.
Wrong.
I met with the Director of Admissions. He asked me about my college experience. I listed my top three strengths and weaknesses for the third time that day and when the interview finally ended, I silently sighed with relief. Finished.
As my interviewer walked me out of his office, he started to lecture about how exciting life after graduation was going to be for me.
I tried to say something like “ Yes. I am excited. This is my first adult interview”
Of course this is not what actually came out of my mouth.
Instead, I looked directly at my potential future boss and said “This is my first adult VIDEO”
Silence.
They ended up offering me a job and I have decided to take it as a compliment.
I am not sharing this story to implant extra worry into your head. In fact, my intensions are exactly the opposite. I’m just saying, that if I can tell the boss that I am trying to get into the porn business and still get hired, you can find a job too.
Showing posts with label Future Leaders of America. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future Leaders of America. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Tis' the Season to be Slutty
I am a firm believer that at some level, everyone loves a good slut. This is not to say that we adore, envy, or remotely respect girls in dresses tight enough to fit our favorite childhood dolls, but the world would be a dull shade of grey without them around. Boys, for obvious reasons are drawn to the exposed skin popping out of their halter tops, women of all ages enjoy gossiping amongst themselves after encountering a slutty creature in the wild, and even the most conservative religious types tend to flock to anyone they think can be fixed with a little help from Jesus and a hug.
Although I would not typically consider myself to be a member of the slutty community, I do have a strong appreciation and deep understanding for their lifestyle. At the core of every in good slut there is a girl who needs pots and pans filled with love and attention. Being an attention whore myself, I find it hard to judge ladies who choose to use their bodies and sexuality as their tools of choice in efforts to turn heads. Personally, I tend to resort to outrageous behavior and elaborate stories to accumulate interest and recruit members to my fan club; but I understand that other attention seekers have other strategies. In the end, I think that we are all working for the common cause to outshine everyone else in the room. I have decided that the residents of sluttytown are slightly misunderstood by their surrounding prude communities and that as an attention slut myself, it is my duty to act as their ambassador I beleive that correct term is Slambassador. This post will act as my first of many efforts to eliminate judgment of nude enthusiasts and to promote a lifestyle that has earned a reputation for being 2nd class.
Whether we are seeking attention, material goods, or sex; aren’t we all just a little bit slutty?
Although I would not typically consider myself to be a member of the slutty community, I do have a strong appreciation and deep understanding for their lifestyle. At the core of every in good slut there is a girl who needs pots and pans filled with love and attention. Being an attention whore myself, I find it hard to judge ladies who choose to use their bodies and sexuality as their tools of choice in efforts to turn heads. Personally, I tend to resort to outrageous behavior and elaborate stories to accumulate interest and recruit members to my fan club; but I understand that other attention seekers have other strategies. In the end, I think that we are all working for the common cause to outshine everyone else in the room. I have decided that the residents of sluttytown are slightly misunderstood by their surrounding prude communities and that as an attention slut myself, it is my duty to act as their ambassador I beleive that correct term is Slambassador. This post will act as my first of many efforts to eliminate judgment of nude enthusiasts and to promote a lifestyle that has earned a reputation for being 2nd class.
Whether we are seeking attention, material goods, or sex; aren’t we all just a little bit slutty?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
May the new year bring me Tiger Woods and a frightened mailman
Although traditionally my new years resolutions are set in January and broken by February; i have decided to change things up this year. after working in college admissions for almost two years, I feel that my year changes at the end of April. May 1st is the national deadline for students to let colleges and universities know of where they will be going to school in the fall semester and although we will still be putting the final touches of our incoming class, today is the magical turning point for counselors to start recruiting high school juniors. Happy new year.
In the spirit of a new year, I have decided to create a list of things that I would like to accomplish by May 1st of next year. A few of them are serious, but most are intended to fun and I am hoping they will trigger and inspire some quality awkward posts throughout the year.
Here is the list. Feel free to make suggestions.
1.) have some type of correspondence with a famous person. "Fame" will be defined at my digression. If Barack Obama and Tiger Woods are unavailable, I will settle for a smaller scale celebrity such as the owner of Rivermont Pizza Company or Bolton Valley Ski Resort's Instructor of the Year, who happens to be my own father.
2.) wear an ugly Christmas sweater somewhere fancy, in July.
3.) Prostitute Epic Tales Of. A Professional Freakshow in Heels and earn no less than 100 followers. I may need help with this one. Advice is appreciated, your actual fellowship is appreciated more.
4.) sing karaoke with an imperfect stranger, perferably over the age of sixty.
5.) win some sort of contest. I would prefer for this said contest to not require me to wear a wet tshirt like uniform, but again, desperate times call for sluts in white tshirts sometimes.
6.) Convince someone that I am royalty in another country. I will gladly grant myself double Points if I either a. Run into real royalty at a grocery store or while pumping gas. B. Run into some one else pretending to be royalty. ( six yearolds wearing burger king crowns are not worthy of double points,unless of course they are actually the king of burgers.)
7. Fabricate one of those " copy and paste this into your Facebook status if you..." campaigns and try to make it the grossest STD of internet fads. Ideally I would like it to be more popular than pogs were on the richmond elementary school playground in the early 90's but I will settle for outcooling the kitten with the hiccups on youtube. I would be open to suggestions with this task. " June is national _______ month. Copy and paste this into your status if you or your friend, family, mailman, drug dealer, or on the side lover have been a victim of..... A brady bunch marathon...Alien abduction.....explosive dierhia ( gross..I veto this one right now.)..... You get the idea.
8.) Scare the living day lights out of the mailman. My new house has one of those old school slots in the door so that the mailman can push my birthday cards from grammie and Netflix DVDs onto the welcome rug in my entry way. One of these days I am going to be waiting by the door so that as the mailman slips my water bill through the slot, I will grab it from his hands and maybe make some sort of growling noise, not unlike a wolf with rabies.
9.) Save my phone number into. A stranger's phone as "God" or " Dr. Quinn Medicine woman" and then text them everyday.
10.) Create and summit a recipe to the pilsbury bake off. Double points will be granted if I make it on tv.
11.) transform myself into a domestic goddess. I will consider this mission a success when I successfully:
A. Receive one or more compliments on the perfect iron job of my shirt. I will also try ironing wearing heels and maybe an apron. That seems domestic like
B. Learn to mop the floor without leaving it grosser than when I started
C. stop pretending that doing laundry and febreeze are synonyms.
12.) do something extreme such as skydiving, piercing something strange, or jaywalking.
Cheers and cheerios
- professional freakshow
In the spirit of a new year, I have decided to create a list of things that I would like to accomplish by May 1st of next year. A few of them are serious, but most are intended to fun and I am hoping they will trigger and inspire some quality awkward posts throughout the year.
Here is the list. Feel free to make suggestions.
1.) have some type of correspondence with a famous person. "Fame" will be defined at my digression. If Barack Obama and Tiger Woods are unavailable, I will settle for a smaller scale celebrity such as the owner of Rivermont Pizza Company or Bolton Valley Ski Resort's Instructor of the Year, who happens to be my own father.
2.) wear an ugly Christmas sweater somewhere fancy, in July.
3.) Prostitute Epic Tales Of. A Professional Freakshow in Heels and earn no less than 100 followers. I may need help with this one. Advice is appreciated, your actual fellowship is appreciated more.
4.) sing karaoke with an imperfect stranger, perferably over the age of sixty.
5.) win some sort of contest. I would prefer for this said contest to not require me to wear a wet tshirt like uniform, but again, desperate times call for sluts in white tshirts sometimes.
6.) Convince someone that I am royalty in another country. I will gladly grant myself double Points if I either a. Run into real royalty at a grocery store or while pumping gas. B. Run into some one else pretending to be royalty. ( six yearolds wearing burger king crowns are not worthy of double points,unless of course they are actually the king of burgers.)
7. Fabricate one of those " copy and paste this into your Facebook status if you..." campaigns and try to make it the grossest STD of internet fads. Ideally I would like it to be more popular than pogs were on the richmond elementary school playground in the early 90's but I will settle for outcooling the kitten with the hiccups on youtube. I would be open to suggestions with this task. " June is national _______ month. Copy and paste this into your status if you or your friend, family, mailman, drug dealer, or on the side lover have been a victim of..... A brady bunch marathon...Alien abduction.....explosive dierhia ( gross..I veto this one right now.)..... You get the idea.
8.) Scare the living day lights out of the mailman. My new house has one of those old school slots in the door so that the mailman can push my birthday cards from grammie and Netflix DVDs onto the welcome rug in my entry way. One of these days I am going to be waiting by the door so that as the mailman slips my water bill through the slot, I will grab it from his hands and maybe make some sort of growling noise, not unlike a wolf with rabies.
9.) Save my phone number into. A stranger's phone as "God" or " Dr. Quinn Medicine woman" and then text them everyday.
10.) Create and summit a recipe to the pilsbury bake off. Double points will be granted if I make it on tv.
11.) transform myself into a domestic goddess. I will consider this mission a success when I successfully:
A. Receive one or more compliments on the perfect iron job of my shirt. I will also try ironing wearing heels and maybe an apron. That seems domestic like
B. Learn to mop the floor without leaving it grosser than when I started
C. stop pretending that doing laundry and febreeze are synonyms.
12.) do something extreme such as skydiving, piercing something strange, or jaywalking.
Cheers and cheerios
- professional freakshow
Friday, October 1, 2010
There is an outbreak of stupidity taking over the minds of high school students in southern New England. Although the conversations that I have had with these infected teenagers make be genuinely concerned for the future of our society, I can’t help but be entertained and I am thrilled that I have something to write about. I would like to take a moment to review a few precious conversations I have had in the last few weeks with the future leaders of our country. Follow-
Exhibit A:
Future Einstein : Let me guess. This school is in New York.
Me: Actually we are in central Virginia
Future Einstein: Whatever… I was pretty close.
I really wish I wasn’t obligated to turn her interest card in.
Exhibit B:
Me: We are a small liberal arts college in Virginia
Student ( who may or may not have been preggers): Virginia? Where is that?
Me( as I point to the map of the east coast on my travel board and concentrate on not rolling my eyes or busting into giggles): Well.. you can see here that VA is north of North Carolina and East of West Virginia
Ms. Preggers: Huh. Never heard of it.
Awesome. Not only has she never head of Virginia..but in 3-4 months she will be spreading her wisdom to an infant. Maybe dad is truly brilliant.. but Im not counting on that.
Exhibit C:
Extra large female student in an extra small tshirt: I don’t want to go to college. I’m just going to be a lawyer
Exhibit D:
I am not even going to take the time to write out the dialog for the 5 minutes I spent trying to explain to a boy that Lacrosse was not a major.
Exhibit A:
Future Einstein : Let me guess. This school is in New York.
Me: Actually we are in central Virginia
Future Einstein: Whatever… I was pretty close.
I really wish I wasn’t obligated to turn her interest card in.
Exhibit B:
Me: We are a small liberal arts college in Virginia
Student ( who may or may not have been preggers): Virginia? Where is that?
Me( as I point to the map of the east coast on my travel board and concentrate on not rolling my eyes or busting into giggles): Well.. you can see here that VA is north of North Carolina and East of West Virginia
Ms. Preggers: Huh. Never heard of it.
Awesome. Not only has she never head of Virginia..but in 3-4 months she will be spreading her wisdom to an infant. Maybe dad is truly brilliant.. but Im not counting on that.
Exhibit C:
Extra large female student in an extra small tshirt: I don’t want to go to college. I’m just going to be a lawyer
Exhibit D:
I am not even going to take the time to write out the dialog for the 5 minutes I spent trying to explain to a boy that Lacrosse was not a major.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Madonna and the bald communist
I need to be better about blogging every day. In order to back track and review the important events of the days I missed writing, I think that a list will be the most effective and efficient. If use of the word penis offends you, stop reading now. I use it once in this blog. You may also want to check out seasemestreet.com
1. On Tuesday I thought I was going to have to shave my head. Madonna and I were singing in perfect harmony in the car when my gum grew wings and flew into my hair. Although I often joke about shaving my head to eliminate the need to remember to pack a hairbrush, I don’t know how well I could pull off the bald look. Mr. Clean had a very smooth and nicely shaped scalp and I am not convinced that I am that fortunate. What if I have a mole shaped as a toilet or a penis on the top of my head and I just never knew about it? That would be embarrassing to say the least. I decided that I needed to make a serious effort to remove myself from this sticky situation without the use of scissors or razor blade.
Unfortunately since I was in the car without the proper tools and since I was dangerously close to being late to my next visit, I had to put my one-woman crisis management efforts on hold. However, I also knew that I could not let the guidance counselors at my visit know that there was a wad of gum in my hair. Thankfully the flying gum landed in some of the under layers on my mane. I pull the gum wrapper out of the cup holder, and wrapped it lightly around the gum that was molesting my hair. The last thing I needed for the gum to infect other pieces of my head. I was able to hide the infected area for the duration of the visit and the gum was later removed with peanut butter and a little bit of olive oil. I wonder if this had ever happened to Madonna.
2. Sometimes I wonder if P. Diddy wakes up in the morning feeling like Erin Storrs. For his sake, I hope it happens at least once.
3. Until Wednesday I was a little concerned that strange things stopped happening to me as soon as I started to blog. I went almost 3 days with out anything bizarre happening and life was abnormally normal. Wednesday was my first college fair of the season and the high school students didn’t let down. My favorite encounter of the evening involved a lovely girl curious about out communications program. I think that direct quotes are necessary. Please read the following dialog.
Genius High School student: “ So…..you have a Communication Major”
Me: “ Yes we do! Communication is actually one of LC’s top five majors. Very strong program”
Long pause as a look of confusion took over the girls face.
Genius High school student: “So… does that have to do with like… communism?”
Congratulations. You just made it into my book of quotes
1. On Tuesday I thought I was going to have to shave my head. Madonna and I were singing in perfect harmony in the car when my gum grew wings and flew into my hair. Although I often joke about shaving my head to eliminate the need to remember to pack a hairbrush, I don’t know how well I could pull off the bald look. Mr. Clean had a very smooth and nicely shaped scalp and I am not convinced that I am that fortunate. What if I have a mole shaped as a toilet or a penis on the top of my head and I just never knew about it? That would be embarrassing to say the least. I decided that I needed to make a serious effort to remove myself from this sticky situation without the use of scissors or razor blade.
Unfortunately since I was in the car without the proper tools and since I was dangerously close to being late to my next visit, I had to put my one-woman crisis management efforts on hold. However, I also knew that I could not let the guidance counselors at my visit know that there was a wad of gum in my hair. Thankfully the flying gum landed in some of the under layers on my mane. I pull the gum wrapper out of the cup holder, and wrapped it lightly around the gum that was molesting my hair. The last thing I needed for the gum to infect other pieces of my head. I was able to hide the infected area for the duration of the visit and the gum was later removed with peanut butter and a little bit of olive oil. I wonder if this had ever happened to Madonna.
2. Sometimes I wonder if P. Diddy wakes up in the morning feeling like Erin Storrs. For his sake, I hope it happens at least once.
3. Until Wednesday I was a little concerned that strange things stopped happening to me as soon as I started to blog. I went almost 3 days with out anything bizarre happening and life was abnormally normal. Wednesday was my first college fair of the season and the high school students didn’t let down. My favorite encounter of the evening involved a lovely girl curious about out communications program. I think that direct quotes are necessary. Please read the following dialog.
Genius High School student: “ So…..you have a Communication Major”
Me: “ Yes we do! Communication is actually one of LC’s top five majors. Very strong program”
Long pause as a look of confusion took over the girls face.
Genius High school student: “So… does that have to do with like… communism?”
Congratulations. You just made it into my book of quotes
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