Sunday started like any other Sunday. The birds were chirping, the sun was shinning, and I was vowing never to drink vodka again. I never would have expected that this day designated for rest, church, hangovers, and procrastination would have such a twisted ending.
I flew to Connecticut and landed just before midnight. I was upgraded to first class so I had a little extra hippity hop in my stride. They have the best free cookies in first class.
As I walked past the airport dunkin donuts shop, I was concentrating on avoiding eye contact with the Boston cream. I heard once that donuts are not considered a health food and although I have no proof, I try to avoid them.
Just as I successfully passed the finish line to cellulite freedom, I noticed a larger gentleman walking directly next to me. There was only about 6 inches between us. Naturally, I looked up at him.
" SPEND 3 MONTHS IN RUSSIA AND YOU WILL HAVE A NEW APPRECIATION FOR AMERICA." the man screamed at me.
Good bye, good mood. Hello, blog fuel.
" um. I am sure you are right sir." I replied, trying to be polite.
I looked straight ahead and continuted to walk down the airport hallway. Until suddenly, the man was poking me in the arm with all of his strength and screaming at me.
" who are you?! What are you?! Why are you here?!" he hollered out me while simultaneously bruising my arm with his pointer finger.
" please don't touch me sir." I said as politely as possible.
Just then, the beast of a man grabbed me by the shoulders and wrapped his giant arms around my body.
"DO NOT TOUCH ME!" I yelled. Politeness only goes so far.
Finally another one of my airplane companions stepped in and motioned me to keep walking.
I don't think that I have ever been so scared in my entire life. Second only to watching the episode of Little House on the Praire where a tornado hit Walnut Grove.