In Elementary school I got my tongue frozen to the school bus window on the same day that the janitor put a pile of kitty litter under my desk because I had peed in my Beauty and the Beast dress- twice.
Without a doubt, there were parts of grade school that I could have lived without. Although it sucked that the boys meowed at me like a cat for the rest of the year; overall those first few years of my education were awesome.
The part of elementary school that I loved was that you could say whatever you wanted and if your statement was not taken well, you could fix it quickly by blurting out “ NOT!”, “Phsych!”, or “It’s opposite day!”
Erin: Hi! Want to be my valentine? I spent 2 hours cutting out construction paper hearts to make you this very sparkly card! Don’t mind the grease stain, I was eating chips.
Kyle: No. You peed your pants. Meow
Erin: Yeah- good thing its opposite date. You are gross…… sigh.
I wish that opposite day was a real thing.
More specifically, I wish that opposite day was a real thing and that it was today. Opposite day is fantastic because everything that happens didn’t, and everything that didn’t happen did. For example:
My flight this afternoon was delayed because someone punched a flight attendant. If it were opposite day, they would not have happened and the flight attendant would have all of her teeth.
(on a side note, I can completely understand why flight attendents may want to punch guest, but I can think of no reason to assault the lady that brings the ginger ale and peanuts)
If it were opposite day, I would have not gotten stuck in traffic and paid $83 for a taxi ride. Maybe I would have paid $38 dollars instead. Or maybe I would have found $83 on the street or hotel bible.
If it were opposite day, I would not have dropped my suitcase on my big toe or hit my head with the taxi door.
If it were opposite day, I would have had time for breakfast, I would have chosen the eggs, I think.
If it were opposite day, I would have met someone famous in Los Angeles, while in town for work.
If It were opposite day, I would not have to work.
If it were opposite day, I would not have to be embarrassed about watching 3 episodes of Dawson’s creek in a row. I also would not have gone expensive google research about Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and their scientology ways of divorce.