Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Maybe next year..

Last May, in a post titled May the New year bring me tiger woods and frightened mailmen I made a list of new years resolutions that I was hoping to complete before May of 2012  As announced earlier this week, I have been a horrible and neglectful mother for the last few months and unfortunately I forgot about this list of goals along with the blog.

Although it would be a complete lie to tell you that I completed all or even half of my mentioned goals, I can cross off a few of them.

1.) have some type of correspondence with a famous person. "Fame" will be defined at my digression. If Barack Obama and Tiger Woods are unavailable, I will settle for a smaller scale celebrity such as the owner of Rivermont Pizza Company or Bolton Valley Ski Resort's Instructor of the Year, who happens to be my own father.

I have already blogged about my encounter with a celebrity and you can find the full story here. For those of you who are too lazy to read the entire post, here are the highlights:
1.     I met Dustin Diamond/ Screech Powers
2.     He complimented my boobs
3.     All of my childhood dreams came true
4.     Everyone lived happy ever after.

8.) Scare the living day lights out of the mailman. My new house has one of those old school slots in the door so that the mailman can push my birthday cards from grammie and Netflix DVDs onto the welcome rug in my entry way. One of these days I am going to be waiting by the door so that as the mailman slips my water bill through the slot, I will grab it from his hands and maybe make some sort of growling noise, not unlike a wolf with rabies.

I have failed miserably at this goal, but mostly because my morals got in the way. I think that instead of scaring the mailman, I would like to be his friend.  I have decided that it isn’t very nice to scare people when they are just trying to do their jobs, but maybe if I write him/her a little note, I can have a penpal. That was always fun in gradeschool.

In other news, a few months ago I accidently dropped my house keys through that mail slot in the middle of the night. Needless to say, I will not be nominated for roommate of the year.

I will give updates of some of the other life goals later, but the hotel I am staying in just delivered some fruit and chocolate to my room and I have some fat kid habits to fulfill. 

Monday, July 30, 2012

If only my mom had let me eat pop tarts for dinner..

I am a horrible mother. A year ago, this blog was my baby. My pride and joy. In fact, there was a time when I had stepped over the line of being a writer that casually blogged for fun and into the zone of obsession. I was no longer blogging about awkward accuracies that naturally found their way into my into my life, and instead I was intentionally creating awkwardness and putting myself in absurd situations for the sake of having something “freakshowlike” to write about.

 I was exactly like the  parents that I hate working with through the college admissions process. I was obsessed, overbearing, and probably the type that would put a “my kid is an honor student at blah blah blah middle school” on the back of my SUV.

And then everything changed. I quickly changed from being what we call in college admissions, a helicopter parent and I transformed into the type of mom that serves pop-tarts for dinner.  It wasn’t that I stopped enjoy the blog, or that my life was no longer interesting, I simply just forgot about it. This may be why I have never in my adult life had a pet that requires more attention then a loving and caring rock.

I am not here to make any excuses.

That’s a lie. That is exactly why I am here.

The following list will serve a few purposes all at once. It will give you an update of my life in the last few selfish, non-writing months and with any luck it will also leaving thinking “ I was so sad that that I could not read this blog everyday, but I am so happy that she is back! I will read it everyday and tell all of my friends. And my grandma too!”

Excuse #1: I started graduate school last spring. Although I definitely dropped off the blogging planet long before classes started, this at least offers an excuse for January-July.  I am working on my Masters in School Counseling so I have had less time to write about bald men and airplanes and my time has been dedicated to creating plans to improve the self esteem of teenagers and writing papers about hugs and feelings.

Excuse #2- I have been working really hard to make myself feel healthy.  As much as I enjoy running, bootcamp classes and hot yoga, when I get home, I am so gosh darn tired! There was one day a few weeks ago that I had full intensions of blogging, but my arms were literally too sore to reach the keyboard. It was like I was a T-rex or some other animal with very short stiff arms. Sad.

In my head I thought that I had a lot more then 2 excuses. I could add more for the sake of having a solid five, but they would probably include excuses like “ I had a papercut last week” and “I couldn’t blog in December because I was too excited for santa to come”.  No need for bullshit, I will stick to the legitimate two.

Hopefully this isn’t a fluke, and I will get back into the writing swing!