Sunday, May 22, 2011

Being Easy isn't Pretty

Here they are! Life lessons of the week!

1. In order to follow your dreams, you must be able to acknowledge the fact that being easy isn't pretty

2. Starting a drinking campain at 530 is always a good idea. Just be prepared for feelings to pour out of your eyes at 2 in the morning.

3. It is much easier to rob a bank if you are not smoking crack in the lobby. I am not saying that smoking crack is a bad idea, simply that you should escape by getaway car, and not by foot to avoid conflict with the police.

4. Some times it is hard to let go of old flames. Sometimes it is harder to let go of a stanger's hand at the bar.

5. When a man is nice enough to walk you home, you should thank him by forcing him to sit in a room with your crying roommate.

7. Colorblindness is a serious disease. People who suffer from colorblindness will never experience the true beauty of Christmas lights and will struggle to dress themselves for the rest of their empty, black and white lives. Above all, however, you should never get in a car with them… unless you want to die.

8. You can avoid feelings pouring out of your eyes at 2 in the morning by drinking your feelings between the hours of 5 pm and 12 am. Yes, feelings. that’s what we’re calling long islands now. Maybe you should’ve had a glass of feelings instead of taking jell-o shots without the jell-o. There's always next time.

9. When trying to let go of said stranger’s hand, it’s generally best to pretend he won’t let go of yours and to yell, “Let go of me! Let go!” If he wasn't afraid of commitment yet, he probably is now.

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