Tuesday, November 1, 2011

America Runs on Dunkin'.

Sunday started like any other Sunday. The birds were chirping, the sun was shinning, and I was vowing never to drink vodka again. I never would have expected that this day designated for rest, church, hangovers, and procrastination would have such a twisted ending.

I flew to Connecticut and landed just before midnight. I was upgraded to first class so I had a little extra hippity hop in my stride. They have the best free cookies in first class.

As I walked past the airport dunkin donuts shop, I was concentrating on avoiding eye contact with the Boston cream. I heard once that donuts are not considered a health food and although I have no proof, I try to avoid them.

Just as I successfully passed the finish line to cellulite freedom, I noticed a larger gentleman walking directly next to me. There was only about 6 inches between us. Naturally, I looked up at him.

" SPEND 3 MONTHS IN RUSSIA AND YOU WILL HAVE A NEW APPRECIATION FOR AMERICA." the man screamed at me.

Good bye, good mood. Hello, blog fuel.

" um. I am sure you are right sir." I replied, trying to be polite.

I looked straight ahead and continuted to walk down the airport hallway. Until suddenly, the man was poking me in the arm with all of his strength and screaming at me.

Stranger Danger.

" who are you?! What are you?! Why are you here?!" he hollered out me while simultaneously bruising my arm with his pointer finger.

" please don't touch me sir." I said as politely as possible.
Just then, the beast of a man grabbed me by the shoulders and wrapped his giant arms around my body.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME!" I yelled. Politeness only goes so far.

Finally another one of my airplane companions stepped in and motioned me to keep walking.

I don't think that I have ever been so scared in my entire life. Second only to watching the episode of Little House on the Praire where a tornado hit Walnut Grove.


1 comment:

Justin said...

Hahahah.

The line about donuts not being a health food, and you believing it sans proof made me spray my apple juice on my couch.

Well done.